Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Please don't give away my fajitas
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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