was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
