He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
