It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
