I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
