pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
