He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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