How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
