To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
