I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
