she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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