what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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