i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
