I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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