the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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