Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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