You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Even my vagina gasped.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
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Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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