if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
