just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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