I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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