Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
