she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
