dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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