look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
