Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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