All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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