Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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