also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
