he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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