so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
