i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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