Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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