These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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