I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
