cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
