Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
