Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
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I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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