cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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