There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
