so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
