I am in a vortex of obligation.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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