WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
