omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
