ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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