Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
