Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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