david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
