You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
