if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
