do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
