Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
