It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
