So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
