thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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