drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
