i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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