I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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