The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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