To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
