I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
