I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
