Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
