I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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