I hate your face
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
