Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
