I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
