you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
